What's Stupider?

Is love stupid? Yes it is! You know why love is stupid? It's stupid because, no matter what degree it is in, you get stuck in it....like really stuck. By love, here, I mean being IN love. You can't stop thinking about the person at the oddest of times, you grow hot and cold, you have this weird urge to impress, half the time you have no idea whats going on! [In all teenage accounts only....this has happened to me only with crushes.] Apart from that there's effort and hurt...you tend to suddenly become sensitive; everything said by him/her seems true! /you loose all common sense, you really cannot get any stupider...you put yourself in a perilous position where you face danger from every corner...your parents, another person, an accident, etc! Love is what people should do for adrenaline rushes! And don't forget the pain and doubt! You're either doubting something...it could be that he/she's cheating, he/she doesn't love you, that the relationship might not work, that you aren't matching up to expectations...and the pain from each fight, each insult, each of those silly things that seem so big! Yeah so many disadvantages! So why love at all?

But isn't it stupider to never love? Hey, though it has all the disadvantages listed above it does many things...it makes you happy, it makes you feel on top of the world and what's more? It helps make the other person feel great! I mean remember the time when he pulled out that ring and slipped it on your finger for that one year anniversary? Or when he wrapped you up in a rug and kept you warm from the cold? Or when he bought you expensive brownies and ice cream for your one month anniversary? Or even when he just held you close...and you knew that things would be fine....sigh. Maybe we'll go through shit, but what the hell? We go through shit anyway! I mean adventure sports, house cleaning, sports, music, dancing, writing....any of these things can be just as dangerous! But we don't avoid them! So why avoid love? It's cause we're scared, we freak out the moment we hear those words from our guys/girls...Stop right there. Is it cause when you love you're giving away a part of yourself? But then it's better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. So yeah it's stupid to love and its stupid not to love....which is stupider? That's your call to make! :)

Pissed

Dear Person,

You know what? Drinking a whole bottle of wine and still not being able to get tipsy sucks. Why can't I be normal? Is it really so hard to just be an everyday run of the mill character? Yes it is....you ask why? Because I'm different. I can't measure up to who I want to be and I can't measure up to what other people want me to be. Very few people like me for who I am and some just pretend to. And even they don't realize it. sometimes I wonder what it would be like to disappear? Not tell anyone where I am and just disappear....would it really be so bad? Would people apart from the few really miss me?

Why am I blogging here? Do any of you know who I am? Or am I just talking to millions out there with no idea how many resemble me.....do people actually resemble me? Is there anything interesting going on in my life? Yes there is.....I have a guy I'm dating.........who confuses the shit out of me. I don't know what he wants.....and the shittiest thing is I don't know if he wants this. I suddenly feel like withdrawing. I do know....and nobody has to tell me it's the worst thing I could do. But I want to withdraw. I usually cling on to the minimum shreds of Happiness but right now I just want to be sad. I want to revel in the non-happy feelings. The Dude makes me happy....unfortunately.....he thinks he doesn't. So here we go again in our sweet little circle of misunderstandings. I know he isn't happy....what i hate is that he thinks I am not.....I am.....even when i fight with him I am. After a lot of wine and thinking I get that I cannot fall in love with him. I mean if I have to fall in love with him I have to actually come up with a battle strategy to break down his walls. I have no idea how to fall in love with a guy I know nothing about. The knowing nothing part doesn't bother me....not really....it's just that I thought it might be possible. Sometimes I fell like I knew more about him before this happened. And for all that I am pissed, I appreciate that he has given me loads of new perspectives to think on.

I do care.....but I CANNOT love....

Yours truly

Just Another Unknown Person
With A Problem.